Making the People's Heart One's Own

Can you still be kind to someone who isn't kind to you?

Original

聖人無常心，以百姓心為心。善者，吾善之；不善者，吾亦善之；德善。信者，吾信之；不信者，吾亦信之；德信。聖人在天下，歙歙焉，為天下渾其心，百姓皆注其耳目，聖人皆孩之。

In plain words

The sage has no fixed mind of his own; he makes the people's heart his heart. The good, I treat well; the not-good, I also treat well, and so goodness comes out in them. The trustworthy, I trust; the untrustworthy, I also trust, and so trust comes out in them. The sage lives in the world with care and restraint, and lets the world's heart return to simplicity. The people all fix their eyes and ears on him; the sage sees them all as his children.

Key words

無常心wú cháng xīnNo fixed agenda to impose. The silk manuscripts read “always without a mind of his own”: acting without contrivance.
歙歙xī xīDrawn in, careful, restrained.
孩之hái zhīTo see people as one's children: cross at times, but never giving up on them.

Reading it step by step

Yesterday we met the first treasure, compassion: the way a mother looks at her children. Today's chapter takes that look into the places where we deal with people and lead them.

First: “The sage has no fixed mind; he makes the people's heart his heart.” The sage does not carry a set agenda that everyone must follow. That doesn't mean he has no views. It means he listens first: what do people care about, fear, lack? He takes that on as his own business. Times change and situations change; forcing a ready-made ideal onto them usually backfires. This is the “acting without contrivance” of the last theme.

Second: treat the good well, and treat the not-good well too. This is the hard line. Being kind to kind people is easy. Being kind to unkind people: isn't that just letting them off? Laozi's thought runs like this. Good people are mostly good because they chose that path. People who aren't good were often pushed that way by circumstance. Someone who has been treated harshly all their life will answer harshly.

Then one day someone is kind to them with no strings attached, and they feel embarrassed, and begin to change. In Hugo's Les Misérables, Jean Valjean, just out of prison, steals the bishop's silver and is dragged back by the police. The bishop says it was a gift, and asks why he forgot the candlesticks. His life turns on that moment. The 德 in “德善” is what each person received from the Dao, their own nature; treated this way, the goodness in that nature comes out. The same goes for trust.

who they are → how I treat them

the goodtreat well

the not-goodtreat well too

the trustworthytrust

the untrustworthytrust too

The good and trust in their nature come out when they are met this way

Third: “the sage sees them all as his children.” The sage keeps himself small and quiet, and lets people's hearts settle back into simplicity. Everyone watches him closely; he, meanwhile, sees each of them as a child. That is a mother's way of seeing: when a child does wrong, she may be cross, but she does not give up on them. It is not naivety. It is knowing that people are still growing.

Bring it home. A teacher may sigh over a few difficult students; but if only good students turned up, what would they need a teacher for? A colleague hands in a poor report. You can list its faults in front of everyone, or you can first ask, “Where did you get stuck?” Your child tells a lie. You can file them under “liar,” or you can give them one more chance to tell the truth. This isn't blurring right and wrong. It is refusing to pin a person to their worst moment.

No fixed mind means a wide one, and a wide mind has room for everyone's heart.

One line to carry

Don't pin anyone to their worst moment.

Today's question

Think of someone who let you down recently. If you saw them as a child who is still growing, what would you say to them?

Quick check

Why does Laozi treat even the “not-good” well?

Next pageNo One Is Thrown AwayPage 26

IV · Three Treasures to Live By — Compassion, frugality, not rushing to be first

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