Look Back at Yourself

Reading it step by step

On the last few pages, Mencius aimed his images mostly at kings. From here on we look at the sayings he left behind, and this time he turns the mirror on each of us.

Mencius had a comparison: kindness is like archery. The archer sets his stance right before he shoots. If he misses, he doesn't resent the man who beat him; he turns back and looks for the cause in himself. This passage makes the same point more concretely.

Second: like an archer, fix what you can fix. Some archers have an easy method: shoot first, then paint the target around wherever the arrow lands. Mencius's archer doesn't do that, and he doesn't blame the target for standing in the wrong place. When the arrow misses, the target won't move closer and the judge won't change the score. All you can adjust is your stance, your breath, your hands. Looking back at yourself isn't self-blame. It's bringing your attention home, to the part you can actually change. If you keep blaming others, you stay passive all your life. Coming back to yourself is how you start to act instead of react.

Third: stand straight and people come; blessings are sought from within. “When you yourself are upright, the whole world will come to you.” Then Mencius quotes the Book of Songs: we seek our own many blessings. Good fortune isn't a reward someone hands you, and it doesn't arrive while you wait. It follows naturally when you have set yourself right.

One thing should be said plainly. Looking back at yourself doesn't mean everything is your fault, and Mencius shows the limit himself. If someone treats me rudely, I ask first: was I unkind? Was I discourteous? If I was neither and he is still rude, I ask a third time: did I fail to do my honest best? If I've asked three times and nothing changes, I may conclude: this man is simply unreasonable, so why argue with him? It's the first question, not the only answer; when you are bullied or treated unjustly, still speak up.

Your child won't listen. A colleague won't cooperate. Your message gets no reply. The fastest reaction is “Why are they like this?” Mencius asks you to add one question first: “Where can I adjust?” Often you'll find the arrow went a little wide because your own feet were a little off.

Set yourself straight; then shoot.